( most people fear death, or at the very least they fear the concept of cessation, of nothing, of some sort of divine judgment—even makoto, who had once been so disillusioned with his own life that he had summoned a demon knowing it would cost him his soul, had drug his heels at the end. it’s natural to fear something beyond knowing. but having had his death denied to him, having been instead given eternal life against his will… there are different things to fear. cessation can be relief, for some. now, chained to an immortal existence so long as his name is known, so long as it is spoken (and considering how many demons know it and can speak it, that’s probably a very, very long time), he has touched on more far-flung and altogether more terrifying fears.
fear of eternity, fear of abandonment. it had yawned wide, an open wound in his soul, when J had offhandedly offered to datenshou to dismember him and toss him aside in his storehouse, should he prove useless in his establishment. what horror would it be like, to sit immobile and powerless, gathering dust and unable to die until everyone who remembered you one day forgot?
fear of losing himself—
“himself” is all he has left. he fears becoming someone he doesn’t recognize. that, in and of itself, would be a “death,” and not even one that would offer relief.
it’s not an easy topic of conversation for either of them. it’s a path barely cut from the wild of the wood, overgrown with thorns and clouded by the unknown. it had been an offhanded offer, and it’s only characteristic of makoto to overthink it, to anguish over all the different angles and possibilities. looking at kazuya’s face as he replies, he realizes that, in doing so, he’d infected the other young man with the same.
there’s a long pause, but it’s one he breaks by turning back toward his friend, mustering a smile. perhaps it’s a little forced, at first, but it gets more and more genuine the more he speaks. ) Hey. It’s not something we have to get hung up on now. The fact that you offered, that you would do something like that for me… ( fellas, you ever blush a little bit because a guy offered to self-mutilate for your benefit? ) It’s not really what I expected to be offered on a first date, but—thank you.
( and it’s right about then that the food arrives—thankfully at a point where the sever didn’t overhear them talking about how they would potentially cut body parts off of kazuya! (or maybe they did overheard and just aren’t letting on.) )
no subject
fear of eternity, fear of abandonment. it had yawned wide, an open wound in his soul, when J had offhandedly offered to datenshou to dismember him and toss him aside in his storehouse, should he prove useless in his establishment. what horror would it be like, to sit immobile and powerless, gathering dust and unable to die until everyone who remembered you one day forgot?
fear of losing himself—
“himself” is all he has left. he fears becoming someone he doesn’t recognize. that, in and of itself, would be a “death,” and not even one that would offer relief.
it’s not an easy topic of conversation for either of them. it’s a path barely cut from the wild of the wood, overgrown with thorns and clouded by the unknown. it had been an offhanded offer, and it’s only characteristic of makoto to overthink it, to anguish over all the different angles and possibilities. looking at kazuya’s face as he replies, he realizes that, in doing so, he’d infected the other young man with the same.
there’s a long pause, but it’s one he breaks by turning back toward his friend, mustering a smile. perhaps it’s a little forced, at first, but it gets more and more genuine the more he speaks. ) Hey. It’s not something we have to get hung up on now. The fact that you offered, that you would do something like that for me… ( fellas, you ever blush a little bit because a guy offered to self-mutilate for your benefit? ) It’s not really what I expected to be offered on a first date, but—thank you.
( and it’s right about then that the food arrives—thankfully at a point where the sever didn’t overhear them talking about how they would potentially cut body parts off of kazuya! (or maybe they did overheard and just aren’t letting on.) )