( it’s yet another example of makoto’s behavior being less something influenced and impacted by kazuya’s reaction—as he hadn’t had much of a reaction at all, besides quiet, restrained interest—but rather his own life. there is a specter that looms large in his mind, a malignant agglomeration of sixteen years or so of personal experiences that bares its teeth and sinks long, knife-like fingers into the soft matter of his psyche the instant he feels as though he might be doing anything that might have before gotten him looked at strange, whispered about, beaten up in schoolyards or after-school corridors, or harshly criticized by his parents. it is, unfortunately, a left-over vestige of self-defense, an innate instinct to self-edit the oddness that comes to him naturally so that others aren’t overly exposed to it.
such a foolish thing to keep around in his mind after he’s already died, right? and yet it remains. he simply hasn’t “lived” long enough as a demon, separate from those people and their responses to him, to shore up a defense against it.
he tilts his head slightly, confused, when kazuya shakes his own; as he continues, however, his expression hollows out with something hard to define—something perplexed and exhilarated, all at the same time. his throat constricts, feeling raw. he swallows with some difficulty, pausing for a moment before giving a nod.
kazuya might not understand that what he asks of makoto here is perhaps the hardest thing someone could ask of him. to take it upon himself to reveal that which he had gone through any extent to try to hide, something he still isn’t convinced wouldn’t open a rift in their friendship he wouldn’t be able to bridge. could he ever be that courageous, when keeping things to himself is so much safer? even if sometimes the denial of some of the most pure expressions of himself feels so suffocating he can’t stand it—
he doesn’t know. it’s a lot to ask of him in such a short time; he’s only been here, aware of these other possibilities open to him, for a few weeks.
he blinks owlishly, a little slow to sift through the suggestion. ) Oh. ( his death-pale complexion colors somewhat, and he hesitates before nodding again. ) Y - Yeah, of course. We can always watch one some other time.
( even if they are both supposedly the type that only really watch movies to do so with the person they’re with. )
So, um… Where should we go next, then? ( he does recall what this date was supposed to prelude, but, well. this place tended to offer a bevy of options for things like that, unless kazuya wanted to just hang out some more. )
no subject
such a foolish thing to keep around in his mind after he’s already died, right? and yet it remains. he simply hasn’t “lived” long enough as a demon, separate from those people and their responses to him, to shore up a defense against it.
he tilts his head slightly, confused, when kazuya shakes his own; as he continues, however, his expression hollows out with something hard to define—something perplexed and exhilarated, all at the same time. his throat constricts, feeling raw. he swallows with some difficulty, pausing for a moment before giving a nod.
kazuya might not understand that what he asks of makoto here is perhaps the hardest thing someone could ask of him. to take it upon himself to reveal that which he had gone through any extent to try to hide, something he still isn’t convinced wouldn’t open a rift in their friendship he wouldn’t be able to bridge. could he ever be that courageous, when keeping things to himself is so much safer? even if sometimes the denial of some of the most pure expressions of himself feels so suffocating he can’t stand it—
he doesn’t know. it’s a lot to ask of him in such a short time; he’s only been here, aware of these other possibilities open to him, for a few weeks.
he blinks owlishly, a little slow to sift through the suggestion. ) Oh. ( his death-pale complexion colors somewhat, and he hesitates before nodding again. ) Y - Yeah, of course. We can always watch one some other time.
( even if they are both supposedly the type that only really watch movies to do so with the person they’re with. )
So, um… Where should we go next, then? ( he does recall what this date was supposed to prelude, but, well. this place tended to offer a bevy of options for things like that, unless kazuya wanted to just hang out some more. )