( makoto frowns in response to that, even going so far as to wince, brow furrowing and the area around his eyes growing tight. well, at least esi could say that it had taken two of them to get him trapped. for makoto, it had only taken his own doppelganger, and it hadn’t even seemed hard. he’d just been so horrified by what he’d seen, so overwhelmed at the thought of the potential pointlessness of his struggles against his own nature, that he’d been all too easy to topple into a frame and leave trapped there. by that point, he’d almost wanted to disappear into one. it was these interactions, having to come to terms with what M had done to others, that had frightened him. that’s why he acts so anxious now, even if esi himself hasn’t projected anything pointed or damning—it was fine, because makoto could direct all of those types of thoughts inward at himself. )
I’m glad you were able to escape. But, still—sorry. Again.
( “not something you should apologize for.” clearly, makoto disagrees. it’s a shame, though, that he’d never caught sight of esikko’s doppelganger, because it might puzzle him that the man was from his “past” despite appearing older than him. that, or just someone who had… been through more. his words are… assuaging. a small piece of makoto questions why he’s doing this just as much as esi does, but a larger, hungrier, more desperate part of him wants to latch onto them. to use them as candles lit against a deep and harrowing dark, to keep at bay the monsters of despair and doubt that still harrowed him all these days later.
he can’t yet. not entirely. but the condensed knot of worry and anguish inside of him slowly, slowly begins to loosen.
he emits a sound that’s technically a chuckle, though as brittle and joyless as it is, it expresses as far different emotion. ) That’s kinda funny, that you thought that. ( “funny.” ) Since yours was from your past and mine was from my future…
( it at least, what? suggests that esi is on a better path than him?
the feeble smile that’d accompanied the broken-glass laugh fades. he breathes out a short sigh. )
You’re wrong, though.
He was me. The things he said, what I can only assume that he did… they’re all things I think about sometimes. Things I try to bury. I’ve done a lot to avoid becoming that person. ( both his expression and his tone of voice droop as the water in the electric kettle begins to gurgle with heat. ) I guess—it isn’t enough.
no subject
I’m glad you were able to escape. But, still—sorry. Again.
( “not something you should apologize for.” clearly, makoto disagrees. it’s a shame, though, that he’d never caught sight of esikko’s doppelganger, because it might puzzle him that the man was from his “past” despite appearing older than him. that, or just someone who had… been through more. his words are… assuaging. a small piece of makoto questions why he’s doing this just as much as esi does, but a larger, hungrier, more desperate part of him wants to latch onto them. to use them as candles lit against a deep and harrowing dark, to keep at bay the monsters of despair and doubt that still harrowed him all these days later.
he can’t yet. not entirely. but the condensed knot of worry and anguish inside of him slowly, slowly begins to loosen.
he emits a sound that’s technically a chuckle, though as brittle and joyless as it is, it expresses as far different emotion. ) That’s kinda funny, that you thought that. ( “funny.” ) Since yours was from your past and mine was from my future…
( it at least, what? suggests that esi is on a better path than him?
the feeble smile that’d accompanied the broken-glass laugh fades. he breathes out a short sigh. )
You’re wrong, though.
He was me. The things he said, what I can only assume that he did… they’re all things I think about sometimes. Things I try to bury. I’ve done a lot to avoid becoming that person. ( both his expression and his tone of voice droop as the water in the electric kettle begins to gurgle with heat. ) I guess—it isn’t enough.